Dealing with Death

I've been fortunate in that I haven't faced much death in my life. There was the possibility my grandfather would die when he had a heart attack (and subsequent quadruple-bypass surgery) over a decade ago, but that's the closest I've been. I lost three great-grandparents, a great-great-grandfather, and a step-grandmother before I was ten years old, but not having spent much time with them, it didn't affect me much. Two of them had died before I was even two years old.

In high school the mother of a girl I'd known for most of my childhood died from breast cancer. I'd known her mother, too, for a long time because I was in Girl Scouts with the daughter, and the mother helped out a lot. My mother and I both went to the wake and the funeral, as well as the burial.

Also in high school, a teacher I'd had in grade school died of a heart attack. I hadn't known her very well but I'd liked her, so I attended the funeral, as did numerous other former students of hers.

This past week I stopped by my former workplace to say hi to a friend, and he updated me on the health of another friend's wife. I found out early this past year (after having worked with M for almost a year) that M's wife had breast cancer. It explained a whole hell of a lot that I hadn't understood about him before and it also made me see him in a different light. M and his wife have two little boys, one five and the other three; it was after the birth of the younger boy that they discovered the cancer.

Back in May or so M's wife became ill again, likely from complications, though he never told me that. I think he was afraid, and rightly so. He was working two jobs to make ends meet and I knew he felt that he didn't have enough time for his family. It was a catch-22: either he could continue working just one job and not be able to provide for his family (the wife had stopped working), or he could keep working both and never see his family except on weekends.

Anyway, when I stopped by the store the friend, S, told me M's wife was doing very poorly and was only expected to have days left. And I was expecting the call that came today from S, informing me of visitation/funeral times and places. DH and I will attend the visitation tomorrow and I may attend the funeral Monday on my own (DH is working) if I can.

I feel so awkward in these situations precisely because of my lack of experience with them. I don't know what to do or what to say, but I know that just being there is usually enough. It's an awful time to be alone. I want M to know that he's not alone.